


You Can't Call Me Like This (anymore)

by Nakeycatstakebaths



Series: Who's That Girl [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Conflict, F/M, Hidden Relationship, Minor Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Minor Monty Green/Harper McIntyre, Murphy is a trust fund brat, Raven is a model, This is part of a series but can be read alone, background Bellarke, the storyline will be continued within other fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:34:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23852401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nakeycatstakebaths/pseuds/Nakeycatstakebaths
Summary: Raven and Murphy's relationship is...complicated. Their social lives are completely intertwined in the most awkward ways and as far as they're both concerned, it's better for them to keep this whole thing a secret.But secrets usually lead to misunderstandings, especially when you live with people who don’t have boundaries.For two emotionally constipated people, talking about feelings is hard. But in their friend group, secrets never really stay hidden  for very long.Part 2 in the "Who's That Girl" series but can stand alone.
Relationships: John Murphy/Raven Reyes
Series: Who's That Girl [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1718803
Comments: 8
Kudos: 63





	You Can't Call Me Like This (anymore)

**Author's Note:**

> This technically is a series of works that all take place in the same universe! Part one is Bellarke and you don't need to read it to follow this but it does give some background on some of the events!

“You can’t call me like this anymore,” Raven sighed, holding up a finger apologetically and sliding out of the make-up chair. Despite herself, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to hang up the phone. Her smokey eye would just have to wait.

“I think something is going on with Bellamy and Clarke,” Murphy said, completely ignoring her complaints, typical.

“There’s always been something going on with Bellamy and Clarke…did you seriously call me just to talk about this?”

“More than usual.”

“Why are you making up dumb reasons to call me? What part of I don’t want to talk to you do you not understand?”

“I’m being serious dude, there’s something really weird going on, I’m not making this up!”

“Bye Murphy,” Raven said sharply, letting out a breath she didn’t know she was holding as she pressed her phone to her chest and slid down the wall. Her tight leather skirt bunched around her hips, rubbing uncomfortably against her skin, this wasn’t the ideal outfit for this position, but she needed a minute to gather herself.

Every time she heard his voice, something in her chest twisted, just enough to bring back all the hurt from the way things had gone down. Raven wasn’t used to being dumped, she was a model, it wasn’t really part of the deal. Cheated on? Sure. But only one person had ever straight up told her they weren’t interested anymore…and that was the one person didn’t seem to want to leave her alone.

It was her fault really, sleeping with your best friend’s roommate was a stupid move, literally everyone knew that. But there was something about Murphy, there always had been. He just got under her skin. At first, it really rubbed her the wrong way, but she grew to enjoy his ribbing, his little snide jokes, the soft smiles meant just for her.

Fuck.

She couldn’t do this here, right now or at all really. If she cried and let her make-up run, the photographer would be pissed and her agent would probably kill her. There was a time and place to mourn the fuckboy who dumped you, but work was not that.

The photoshoot itself went fast, a few outfit changes and two shades of lipstick later, she was finally free.

Raven tapped on the edge of her steering wheel, contemplating her next move. She could call Clarke, but Murphy wasn’t totally off base when he said something weird was going on. Clarke hadn’t answered her phone in three days. Whatever it was, she probably wasn’t in the mood to go out and get drinks.

Before she could consider her plans further, her phone rang.

“Rae! What’re you up to tonight?!” Harper’s reedy voice asked cheerfully, the sound of chickens clucking in the background.

“I’m not sure, just got off work. I have a face-full of make up so I thought I might as well put it to good use.”

Harper and Raven weren’t exactly best friends, in fact, it was rare for them to hang out without Clarke as a buffer. But Clarke had been especially distracted lately and she didn’t exactly have a man in her life to entertain her, so maybe it was time for them to push past the awkwardness and become real friends.

“Oh my God, that’s kind of perfect. I know this is weird, but I’ve been seeing someone, and he invited me out with his friends. I need someone to come with me, I don’t want to be the only girl there. I know we don’t usually hang out like this, but I don’t know who else to ask. Clarke is sick apparently,” Harper rambled, clearly nervous about the proposition.

Okay, this could be fun. Harper was quirky and crunchy, so the guy she was dating was probably respectful and nice, with decent wholesome friends. They probably wouldn’t be her type, but it a little flirting never hurt anybody.

“I’m in. Just text me the time and place.”

A night out was exactly what she needed. A strong drink, a little dancing, maybe a medium attractive nerd to flirt with. Raven gave herself a once over in the rearview mirror, typing out a quick text to Clarke. She was kind of worried about her, with her new job and whatever the hell was going on with Bellamy, Clarke was running herself ragged. Plus, she missed her best friend, wished she could talk to her about what was going on with Murphy.

Too bad Clarke didn’t know anything about it.

It was weird, felt wrong in a way. They had been so close growing up, told each other everything, stayed up late at night in their pink sleeping bags whispering about boys. Back then, they had a promise to be honest with each other. After getting involved on two ends of a cheating scandal, it was kind of necessary. But things weren’t as simple as fighting over the same boy on the football team anymore. They were adults now, and things were complicated.

Things with Murphy were—a mess.

She didn’t have a right to be angry really, it was always just supposed to be a hook-up, she’s the one who made things complicated.

***

“The guy that you’re seeing is  _ Monty _ ?!?” Raven whisper-shouted, throwing back her entire drink as she watched Murphy, Miller, Jasper and Monty file into the bar. It wasn’t very crowded, and they immediately moved toward them, waving wildly as they all yelled about how excited they were.

“Shh…it kind of needs to be on the down low because the principle isn’t supposed to date a teacher. It’s like a power issue. We’re working on it through, Monty’s applying for a teaching job at the science magnet school,” Harper said gently, eyes flitting around like the undercover school district police were about to bust her at any moment.

“Okay, I get that but why didn’t you tell me?! You made it sound like we didn’t know each other.”

“I wasn’t really thinking, sorry. Are you okay? You seem kind of hassled.”

Murphy was watching her over the rim of his whiskey glass, eyes flicking away the second he caught her gaze.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just a little tired from the shoot earlier. I need another drink,” she deflected quickly, waving at Monty before ducking toward the bar, trying to shake the feel of Murphy’s eyes on her.

Breathe, breathe, breathe.

A shot of tequila, that was exactly what she needed.

The burn was like taking a deep breath, easing the tension between her shoulders. It had been a long day. Sometimes she really resented modeling, being posed, poked and prodded, caked in make-up, talked over and around. This had never been the plan, it was supposed to be a way to work her way through school, just some extra money. Never in a million years did she expect to have an engineering degree she had never used in real life and a published feature in Sports Illustrated.

Life was weird that way.

“Can I get a tequila sunrise and whatever she’s having,” a voice said from behind her. Her body reacted before her brain could even process it, the hairs at the back of her neck prickling, cheeks warming.

“You have astonishingly disgusting taste in alcohol,” she snorted, asking the bartender for a beer, keeping her eyes fixed on the shelves. The bottles sparkled under the lights, green, blue, red, so many shapes and sizes.

“I like what I like.”

“You like the kind of shit that Carrie Bradshaw drinks.”

“I could pretend like I don’t know who that is, but you would know that I was lying.”

Raven snorted at that, but held firm, gaze still fixed on the bottles. She took a long sip of her beer, downing almost half of it in one go, eyes tracing the different brands. She stared intently at a label, trying not to think about the afternoons they spent sprawled on her couch with crumpled bag on McDonald’s on the coffee table watching Sex in the City reruns.

“Can you please look at me?” Murphy asked, voice a tinged with something desperate, something that tugged at her heart, made her turn even though she didn’t want to.

“You realize that you ended this right? You don’t get to be mad that I don’t want to talk to you anymore, that’s not how this works,” she snapped, chest twisting as she looked at Murphy. She had never been broken up with—but she knew how it was supposed to go. This wasn’t fair, he was making this so much harder than it needed to be. They would never truly be able to avoid each other, but it didn’t need to be this hard.

She couldn’t stay here, couldn’t talk to him, she would just backslide, give in and have sex with him.

His eyes softened and he stepped just a little closer, enough that she could feel the heat of his skin on her bare arms.

“Raven—”

But before he could go any further, Jasper fell off a barstool.

“Issa secret so shhhh…” he yelled as he fell to the floor, reaching out to grab Monty’s shoulders and missing just slightly.

Harper and Monty both rushed to help him up, a wave of chaos overtaking the bar as the owner came over to check on them.

From the corner of her eye, Raven saw something flash across Murphy’s face. It was subtle, a scrunch so slight it was almost unnoticeable. But she knew.

He was always a little insecure that his roommates liked each other better than they liked him, that they all hung out behind his back. They shared secrets with each other, things they never told him, had coffee together on Sunday mornings.

As far as Raven could tell, they weren’t doing it on purpose. Murphy tended to hang back and observe, wait to be called into social situations rather than inserting himself. Bellamy was usually the one to pull him in, but lately he had been distracted with Clarke, clearly illustrated by the fact that they were both notably missing tonight.

This secret between them was just another one of those things.

There seemed to be a lot of secrets in this friend group lately.

A week ago, she would have reassured him, told him that it was probably something stupid about their Youtube channel, not something he would be interested in anyway. But it wasn’t her place, maybe it never had been.

There was enough going on right now, it was the perfect time to slip away. Tucking a five dollar bill under her bottle, she eyed the exit.

“Can you tell Harper I decided to go home? I’m exhausted from my shoot,” she said, already pushing away from the bar, escaping before Murphy could say anything else, before he could try to convince her to stay.

***

Murphy bounced a ball against the wall, watching it smack against his Van Gough poster and fly back toward him.

Maybe Raven had a point, even if he hated to admit it. He just had to put himself out there.

Hiding in the closet may not have been the best way to go about it, but today was the most included he had felt in a long time. It felt good to be there for Clarke, to finally be in on a secret. This was huge, his best friend was having a baby.

Bellamy was the closest thing he had to a brother, years in the army and running into burning buildings together has a way of bonding you like that. He hoped Clarke would tell him soon. Bellamy was going to be over the moon. He always wanted to be a dad—and been stupidly in love with Clarke since the minute she stepped foot in the loft, this was everything he ever wanted.

Murphy was happy for him…truly, happy. But he couldn’t help but feel a little jealous. He never envisioned himself as the kind of person who wanted to settle down, it just wasn’t in his DNA. He was the product of a fucked up marriage, had promised himself he never wanted kids of his own. A lone ranger, that was what he had always been. That always seemed like a fine option, not exactly happy, but fine.

He bounced the ball against the wall again, ignoring the chime of his phone beside him. It was the girl from the bar, the one he flirted with after Raven left. His heart wasn’t in it though, he was just doing it to dull the ache.

His heart didn’t really seem to be in anything these days, he changed his hours at work, broke up with Emori for no reason, spent most of his time just throwing this stupid ball at the wall.

The only consolation was that he knew the constant thudding drove their annoying neighbor crazy.

He wanted to talk to Raven, he missed her so much. But he couldn’t, she was right when she yelled at him the other night. This was his fault. He had ended things; he was the one who was incapable of making commitments.

It wasn’t his news to tell anyway. Raven deserved to hear about this from her best friend, he couldn’t take that moment away from Clarke.

They would probably be seeing more of each other though, babies kind of had a way of bringing everyone together.

He wasn’t sure if he was looking forward to it or dreading it.

Maybe things would be better when she realized she was better off without him, when she met someone who she could start a life with, someone able to give her everything she deserved.

He just wasn’t that guy.

It was never supposed to be like this, part of him wished they had never crossed the line at all. It was just supposed to be a hook-up, a way to finally break some of the tension between them. He wasn’t supposed to fall for her, it was never supposed to get this complicated.

“Oh, thank God you’re home,” Monty grinned widely, bursting into his room without knocking. “I just got a call from the Magnet school asking me to come in for an interview and I need advice.”

Murphy bit his tongue, holding back a quip about being a last resort. If he was going to put himself out there, he needed to start taking what he could get.

It was obvious Monty was a little thrown off by the lack of insult, but he just barreled on, rambling about how fancy the school was and how he didn’t know what to wear.

“You went to prep school, right? Which tie should I wear? Do you know how to do those fancy knots?” he rambled, holding up an armful of ties.

So, he wasn’t a last resort. If there was only one thing that Murphy knew how to do correctly, it was tie a tie. It was one of the only real things his dad had time to teach him. Well that and an inappropriate amount of information about wine tasting throughout his childhood.

Perks of growing up on a vineyard.

He hated formalwear with every inch of his being, if he were the type to get married, he would rather be one of the douchebags who wore a Hawaiian shirt to the ceremony than have to wear a tie ever again. But he was probably the best person in the loft to ask about this, except maybe Clarke. But she had enough going on as is.

“Boarding school actually, but yeah. I can do a Windsor knot if you want me to, but the kind of tie depends on what jacket you’re wearing,” he shrugged, tucking the rubber ball behind his pillow as he straightened, examining the ties.

“I only have one jacket,” Monty sighed, “It’s one of those corduroy ones because I thought it made me look professorial.”

“I have a blue blazer than should probably fit you. It’s a little more formal,” he said, standing to sift through the back of his closet, finally finding the only relic left of his previous life.

His dad had given it to him to wear his senior year of high school, a birthday gift. It was Brioni, cashmere, the exact same cut and style his father wore to work every day. His initials were embroidered in the left cuff, in delicate white thread. It was supposed to be a symbol, a passing of responsibility. His friends had fawned over it, asked their fathers for similar ones, talked behind his back about how he was set to inherit the vineyard soon.

The jacket was supposed to symbolize everything he ever wanted, but the weight of the perfectly tailored shoulders was heavy, filled with expectations. The jacket had been given to him in a smooth black box. Instead of a card, the invitation to his Yale interview was tucked in a small white envelope.

That was always the plan, go to Yale and take over the vineyard.

But the day he was set to go to the interview, he tucked the jacket in his truck, traded it for a denim jacket and enlisted in the army.

It was inavertedly one of the only things he took with him when his dad kicked him out, hidden in the corner of his trunk. Even though it didn’t fit in his new life, he couldn’t bear to get rid of it.

Carefully, he eased the jacket around Monty’s shoulders, smoothing down the delicate fabric. Monty was thinner, narrower and it fit like a glove. Something in his chest twisted at that. He hadn’t put this jacket on since the day he put it in the trunk. The conformation that it wouldn’t fit was the last thing, the final confirmation that his relationship with his dad was beyond repair.

“Wear it with this one and they won’t know what hit them,” Murphy said shakily, steadying himself as he picked out a burgundy tie and looped it around Monty’s neck.

“Thanks Murphy, I really appreciate this,” Monty smiled, voice sincere. It felt like something, like growth. Murphy’s relationship with his dad may be over, but things with his roommates might still have some hope.

***

“I think we all know why we’re here today!” Harper said cheerfully, hair falling out of her messy bun as she bounced excitedly on her feet.

“Umm…not really?” Raven called, shoving Jasper’s shoulder to make room for herself in the booth as she settled in with her coffee.

The new position rammed Jasper’s shoulder directly into Murphy’s side, causing him to gasp involuntarily in surprise, spilling a latte all over the table.

The next few minutes were consumed in cleaning up the spill, apologizing to the employees and ordering a replacement coffee for Harper. By the time they had all settled back in, Murphy found himself somehow sitting right next to Raven.

Great, just great.

It was a tight fit in the U-shaped booth, even with Harper standing, there were still way too many people crammed into the small space. Every inch of Raven’s body was pressed up against his, the light vanilla of her perfume completely overwhelming his senses. He longed to tuck her under his arm, to enjoy how close they were right now—but of course, that wasn’t allowed anymore. Public affection had never been allowed, but at least back then, it was a thrill, now it was just depressing.

“Like I was saying,” Harper began again, holding a sleek red folder close to her chest. “I want to plan a surprise engagement party for Bellamy and Clarke!”

“I vote we get a cake and write ‘Thank God’ on it,” Jasper snickered, licking whipped cream off his finger.

Everyone bickered back and forth about what exactly to do about the party, but Murphy tuned them out, focusing instead on the sketch Raven was making on the corner of a magazine. It wasn’t a normal doodle, it looked technical, precise. He couldn’t quite figure out what it was, the straight lines, sharp corners. She was completed focused on it, brow drawn, lip tucked between her teeth.

So beautiful.

But she was also more than that, there was so much to Raven. She was by far the most interesting person he ever met, just chock full of surprises. When they were together, he loved asking her random questions, learning things about her life. There was always something new.

He wanted so badly to lean over, whisper in her ear, ask her what she was drawing. But he couldn’t, shouldn’t, it wasn’t fair.

She caught him staring, tilting her chin just slightly to meet his gaze.

_ “Porsche Cayenne engine,”  _ she scribbled beside the drawing, pointing toward the window.

He followed the line of her pen and sure enough, a white Porsche Cayenne was parked right outside.

Truly full of surprises.

Despite himself, he gently took the pen from her.  _ “My mom drives one of those.” _

Raven’s eyebrows shot up in surprise when she read his note, he never talked about his family, ever. This was the first thing he had ever shared about his parents to anyone in his new life, except Bellamy. It was so small, the kind of thing almost anyone could find out. But Raven seemed to understand the significance of it. Eyes softening, she gave him a soft smile and for just a second, he could almost pretend everything was normal.

_ “It’s a beautiful car, but it’s got shit construction. Big $$$ in repairs.” _

He snorted, almost involuntarily.

“What? Do you not like the cupcake tower?” Bellamy’s sister Octavia asked, pushing her long dark hair from her face as she turned the tablet toward him. “Should we do a donut wall instead.”

“Bellamy is going to kill us either way,” Monty shrugged, pushing out of the booth to get another coffee, clearly tired of talking about tablecloths and appetizers.

“He’s in love, if there ever was a time to sneak a cheesy party under his nose, now’s the time,” Harper corrected quickly, clicking on different flavor options for the cupcake tower.

“Ignore Murphy, he doesn’t really like anything,” Raven said, tone unidentifiable before she gave Murphy a dry look and turned back to her drawing.

What the fuck did that mean?

***

“Do you know if there’s something going on between Raven and Murphy?” Monty asked, leaning in Bellamy’s doorway.

“Raven and Murphy?” Clarke asked, sitting up and poking Bellamy, nudging him awake.

“Raven and Murphy hate each other,” Bellamy mumbled, rolling over and yanking a pillow over his head. “Do you remember the time Raven chased him around the apartment threatening to stab him with one of those really pointy heels?”

“He’s right,” Clarke shrugged, leaning back against the headboard, hand resting gently over her stomach.

“That’s what I thought too, but they’ve been acting really weird lately. Harper’s noticed too.”

“Honestly, I haven’t really seen Raven lately…I’ve just been—kind of,” Clarke began, eyes flickering around the room as she tried to find the words. “Kind of a bad friend.”

“You’re not a bad friend baby,” Bellamy mumbled, head still under the pillow, blindly reaching out to give his girlfriend a reassuring pat. He missed slightly, tapping Clarke’s boob instead and then just kind of left his hand there.

“She called me like five times last week and I didn’t answer…”

“We all know you guys have a lot going on, don’t feel too bad about it. I was just curious,” Monty said reassuringly, taking a step further into the room.

“Still, we can make time for all of you. We can’t stay locked in here forever.”

“We totally can though.”

“Ignore him. What makes you think there’s something going on?” Clarke asked, leaning over to extract a bag of gummy worms from Bellamy’s bedside table and holding out the open bag to him.

Without giving it much thought, Monty grabbed a handful of gummy worms, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“We were all hanging out and they were kind of just sitting in the corner and whispering. It wasn’t flirting really—it was like awkward tension.”

“Wait, you guys were hanging out without us?” Bellamy asked, finally removing the pillow from over his head and sitting up fully.

“You’re joking right?”

“No, what the heck!?”

“You’re allowed to be mad if you can tell me where your phone is right now,” Monty smirked, catching sight of Bellamy’s phone sitting underneath the bed. He had always been terrible with it, never answering texts, losing it, but they had all suspected he just abandoned it altogether now.

Bellamy looked at Clarke, who shrugged, pointing to her own phone charging on the bedside table.

“I—I—”

“That’s what I thought.”

***

“Bellamy and Clarke called a meeting,” Jasper said, popping his head into Murphy’s room and throwing a pillow at his head.

Awesome, just what he needed at—he rolled over, blinking at the bright screen of his phone—6:45 in the morning.

“This couldn’t wait until the sun came out?” he groaned, running a hand through his hair as he hauled himself out of bed. It was either wake up voluntarily or have Bellamy put Jasper’s cat on his face…and he still had scars from the last time that happened.

“Apparently not.”

With a heavy sigh, he wrapped a blanket around his shoulders and made a beeline for the kitchen, ignoring the crowd of people in the living room in favor of the pot of coffee sitting on the counter. He didn’t even check to see whose mug he pulled from the cabinet; it was way too early for this shit. Whatever they had to say, it better be good. This was his first weekend off in almost a month and here he was, awake at the crack of dawn.

It wasn’t until he was curled up in the armchair that he realized this wasn’t just a loft meeting. Raven, Harper and Octavia were all sitting cross-legged on the floor, looking equally annoyed at the fact that they were crowded in the living room on a Saturday morning. Probably more so, since they couldn’t just roll out of bed and walk to the living room.

Raven avoided his gaze, eyes glued to the ground. Despite himself, he snuck a few glances. She looked beautiful, laid-back, still in her pajamas. Seeing her like this, in the early hours of the morning…it made his heart ache. He thought this feeling would die down after a few months, but every time he saw her, all he could think about was how much he missed her.

“Okay so we called you all here because we have an announcement,” Bellamy began, wrapping his arm around Clarke as they stood in the middle of the living room.

“You’re already engaged, and Clarke is already pregnant, what else could there possibly be to announce?” Octavia groaned, flopping against Raven’s shoulder.

“Oh no, you’re moving out, aren’t you?” Jasper gasped.

“You realize they’re going to have to move out at some point, right? There isn’t really space for a baby here?” Murphy sighed, taking a long sip of his coffee. He wished they could just get to the point, between Raven and the early hour, he didn’t really have the mental capacity for this right now.

“I thought we would just have a loft baby!”

“Where would it sleep? In the living room?” Monty said, gesturing around the slightly cramped space.

“The announcement isn’t that we’re moving out, even though we  _ will _ eventually move out. Can we please get back on track?” Bellamy sighed, scrubbing his hand over his face. He knew where this was going, if he didn’t catch the train before it left the station, they would end up arguing over this for hours.

“Let’s get this over with so I can take a nap in Clarke’s completely unused bed,” Octavia agreed from her place on Raven’s shoulder, face obscured by her curtain of hair.

“My bed is not unused…”

Murphy stood up as Clarke and Octavia started to bicker about how frequently she slept in her own room. This would likely take a while; he might as well wake up fully in the meantime.

“You might want to grab a different mug, that’s Clarke and Bellamy’s sex mug,” Jasper called over the back of the couch, pointing to the orange mug Murphy was holding.

“I’m sorry,  _ WHAT?!”  _ Murphy yelled, almost dropping it in shock. “You let me drink an entire cup of coffee out of this before you told me that?!”

“It’s not a sex mug!” Bellamy groaned, falling back down on the couch. He was clearly frustrated with this whole thing but there was really no other way it could have gone.

“It’s totally a sex mug,” Monty agreed, eying the mug wearily.

“What is a sex mug?” Raven interrupted, looking between Bellamy and Clarke partly with admiration and partly with disgust.

“I don’t want to know,” Octavia yelled, covering her ears with her hands. 

“There is no such thing as a sex mug!” Bellamy tried again, failing to quell the growing debate about what they could be doing with a mug.

Clarke bent to whisper something in Bellamy’s ear, rubbing his shoulder softly before hauling herself up on top of the couch and whistling loudly. 

Everyone froze, a wave of complete silence falling over the apartment. All eyes were on Clarke, balanced precariously over them all, clearly pissed. She had her teacher face on, which meant she really wasn’t fucking around.

“Bellamy and I are eloping,” she said after a long pause, giving them all just enough time to squirm under her glare.

“Now if you all will just shut the hell up for five seconds, we’ll explain,” Bellamy added, springing back up to stand beside her.

Silence.

“Pretty much everyone we love most is sitting in this room. We want our wedding to be small and simple, and we figured…why wait? As much as we love the idea of wedding showers and rehearsal dinners and cupcake towers—”

“Who spilled the beans about the cupcake tower?!” Octavia pouted, turning to glare directly at Jasper.

“For once, I’m innocent!”

“It was me,” Monty resigned, raising his hand from his spot on the beanbag chair.

“We don’t want a cupcake tower! We just want to be married in front of the people who actually matter.”

“Before I get gigantic and can’t wear anything cute,” Clarke added, pointing to her stomach, which was just starting to show.

“We were thinking this weekend,” Bellamy finished, pulling a marriage license out of his pocket. “It’s why we wanted you all to get here early.”

And just like that the entire room exploded in noise. Octavia was yelling—so was Harper, Raven was trying and failing to keep Clarke and Harper from fighting. Bellamy was holding the marriage license above his head as Octavia tried to grab it. Everyone was talking at once; it was impossible to make sense of anything that was going on. This meeting had devolved into pure and utter chaos.

“What the fuck are you thinking?”

“Where would you even elope in a day’s notice?”

“You cannot get married in a fucking courthouse Bellamy!”

“No, Jasper, you cannot officiate, and Cornelius is not invited.”

“It’s  _ my  _ life Octavia!”

The yelling continued, growing louder and more confusing as the fights got crossed with one another, melding into one singular almost unintelligible argument.

Somehow, in the chaos, Murphy and Raven ended up on the edge of the group, desperately trying to follow what was going on.

Gesturing toward the bathroom, he turned, beckoning for her to follow. She hesitated for a moment, clearly weary of where this was going. But in the end she followed, maybe it was just to get away from all the noise, but at least she was going with it.

“I don’t know how they expected that to end in anything other than a disaster,” Raven sighed, sitting on the edge of the tub as Murphy closed the door.

She eyed Murphy, weary of being in this enclosed space together, but relieved to finally have some silence. This was not what she expected when Clarke called her at 5am and told her to come over immediately. Not at all.

There were so many times when she imagined what she would say to him if they were ever truly alone together. But right now, she couldn’t bring herself to speak. The silence between them was heavy, he looked—weighed down.

Part of her longed to reach out, to smooth his hair back and feel his arms wrap around her, to be able to be like all the couples on the other side of this door. But she also kind of wanted to smack him, to yell at him and ask him why he ended things. It still didn’t make sense. This didn’t feel like a normal break-up, there was still something there, something unresolved below the surface.

He leaned against the sink, watching her for a beat. This was the first time they had been alone since things went south between them, since he ended it. It was a relief, like for the first time in a long time, he finally felt alive again. She wasn’t yelling at him or avoiding him, so it felt like progress, even if it was fueled by a need to escape from their friends.

“It’s classic Bellamy—Clarke too honestly, in their attempt to save everyone the trouble of throwing them a party, they’ve caused a complete shitstorm,” he said finally, breaking the silence between them.

“Where does someone even elope? I didn’t know people actually did that in real life.”

“People do it all the time,” he shrugged, examining the cracks between the tiles avoiding Raven’s curious expression. “I grew up on a vineyard, we did a lot of them.”

“I always forget about that.”

“I try to, but it always comes back to haunt me.”

“How so?” Raven asked, he could feel her eyes on him, questioning. He told her bits and pieces about his childhood, nothing too serious. Light stuff like running through the trees or playing hide and seek with the landscaper. He never mentioned anything about his parents, especially his father, it was too heavy, too much to put on someone else.

“I know someone who could do this insane last minute wedding,” he admitted, letting out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. He knew the perfect place for this, it came to mind the second Clarke said the word elope. The only thing was, it would mean going back, dredging up everything again.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s perfect, why didn’t you say something?”

Murphy sighed deeply, it really was too early for this. As much as he didn’t want to get into it, Raven was pretty much the only person he could talk about it with, somehow, it felt like she would understand.

“My family was—is—complicated. I have a weird history with vineyards and with the people I grew up with. There’s only one person who I kept in touch with, a kid from school named Lincoln. He inherited a winery of his own, it’s pretty nice, the perfect place for a wedding. But I would have to go back to Arkardia Groves, see everyone again. If I was going to do it for anyone, it would be Bellamy. He’s done more for me than literally anybody else, that kid is my family, but—”

“But it’s hard for you. That’s okay Murphy…” she said, despite her anger, there was something about his words that struck her. Murphy never talked about his family, about his life before the army. He was the only person in their friend group who never invited someone to Thanksgiving. She had always wondered why, but they had never talked about things like that. He didn’t really know anything about her either.

“I guess,” he shrugged, bracing his hands on the edge of the sink. He could already feel the uncomfortable heat prickling on the back of his neck, the slow churn of his stomach. This was why he didn’t talk about this.

“I’m sure they could find another place.”

“Bellamy and Clarke deserve a wedding somewhere like that. They’re both stubborn assholes, but soulmates deserve more than a courthouse.”

“So, you’re going to tell them about it?”

“I don’t know.”

“I can’t really help with this if you don’t want to talk about it,” Raven huffed, yanking out her ponytail in frustration, long dark hair falling to her shoulders.

It was distracting, enough to throw Murphy off just slightly. He felt dizzy. This was a bad idea. It was too much. Talking about his parents, his childhood, being this close to her. He needed to get out of this bathroom, it was too small, too constricting.

“I can’t—” was all he could get out. His voice was shaky, like he couldn’t quite catch his breath.

“Why do you keep pushing me away?” Raven asked, edging on desperate as she looked at him. It was the question she had been wanting to ask since it all went down the drain. He never gave her a reason, just texted her some bullshit about how it just couldn’t go any further.

Just like that, months of tension between them finally snapped. Something inside Murphy ignited at her words. He’d been asking himself the same question over and over again. Why couldn’t he just let people in?

He was so angry about everything. Why couldn’t his parents have just been normal? Why couldn’t he just commit to someone? Why did Raven have to look like that and make him feel this way?

“Because it’s too much! I don’t want to put that on you. I can’t give you what you want Raven—just—why don’t you get that it’s better this way?” he said, words coming out in a choked heap, messy, unrestrained. He practiced a million ways to say this in his head, but in the end, his heart had said them for him.

“How is this better John?!” Raven yelled back, using his first name, his real name. “You don’t get to tell me what I want. If you don’t want to be with me, you can just say it. Don’t feed me bullshit, I’m not an idiot.”

“How could you think I don’t want to be with you?”

“Because you literally told me you don’t want to be with me!”

“I want to be with you so badly. For the past month, it’s felt like I have no reason to live. Being with you was the happiest I’ve been in a really long time. You make me a better person Raven, but I don’t make you a better person. I have nothing to offer. I can’t give you a real life, a family, a future. You deserve to have what Bellamy and Clarke have.”

Shit. Shit. Shit.

That was way too honest. He went too far, he told her too much.

She was just staring at him, blankly.

“Why do you think we can’t have those things? Shit like that isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible. I don’t get why you’re giving up on everything so easily when you seem like you care about this as much as I do. Do you know how hard this has been for me? How confusing it is? You didn’t give me a reason, you just stopped talking to me! And then I have to see you everywhere and you keep trying to talk to me as if you didn’t literally dump me,” she yelled back, tears threatening to spill out of her eyes.

“You don’t get it—”

“Try me!”

“My parents literally never loved each other, they were both rich kids who were set up by their parents. They barely spoke to each other. My dad had affairs with every woman he could possibly sleep with, my mom did a shitton of pills. She OD’d when I was fourteen and they put her in rehab, then my dad just shipped me off to boarding school and ignored me. Neither of them really wanted kids, I was just kind of an afterthought. I don’t know how to do relationships Raven, I come from a long lineage of people who might as well be sociopaths. I told myself a long time ago that I was the end of the Murphy line. You don’t want that, you don’t need to deal with all my shit,” he said, tears spilling out as he spoke. He hadn’t talked about his family in a long time, had never been so candid about where he came from.

“You aren’t your parents Murphy. Ending up like that isn’t in your DNA, it’s a choice. You don’t deserve to be unhappy just because you had a bad childhood. People who come from fucked up families can find love. Nobody has a perfect life. Do you think I did? Because I sure as fuck didn’t. My parents are fucked up too—hell, I don’t even know who my dad is. My mom drank herself to death. I want to do better than that for my kids, for myself too, I know I can do better than that. You can do better too,” Raven said, turning on her heel and leaving the bathroom. The soft smile she gave him before she closed the door would stay burned into the back of his brain for as long as he lived.

***

Murphy bounced the rubber ball against his Van Gough poster again, contemplating his conversation with Raven. Everything she said had technically been true. Maybe he had been looking at this the wrong way.

His whole life, he figured being a dick was just encoded his DNA. His dad was a piece of shit, his grandpa was even worse. Even his mom had a less than ideal amount of redeeming qualities. But maybe Raven had a point—she somehow managed to always be right—it was extremely annoying. Could it be that he could be the one to finally break the Murphy cycle? That instead of the line ending with him, he could be the first one to actually end up happy.

It felt impossible. If he hadn’t met Raven, he would just assume it was.

But something about her gave him hope, hope that maybe, just maybe, he could be happy too.

She came from a bad family too, maybe in a different way than he did, but she understood what it meant to overcome your upbringing.

Was it too late?

Without thinking, he called her.

To his surprise she picked up on the first ring.

“What do you want Murphy?”

“To tell you that you were right,” he said, dropping any semblance of pride he had and laying it all out on the table.

“About what?” Raven asked, teasing but he knew that she was going to wait until he answered.

“I should have talked to you about everything. It wasn’t fair of me.”

“You’re right, it wasn’t.”

“I’m a dick.”

“You’re not a dick,” Raven sighed, catching him off guard. “You’ve gotta stop saying stuff like that about yourself.”

“I’m working on it. In fact, I’m working on a lot of things.”

“Is that so…”

“Yeah but I figured I’d start with asking you if you’d give me another shot?” he asked, chewing nervously on the corner of his thumbnail. He hoped she could somehow forgive him for dumping her for no reason, that she still cared about him enough to give him another chance.

“I think that could be arranged. But if you ever dump me for no reason again, I will run you over with a Porsche Cayenne,” Raven agreed, sounding just as relieved as he did.

“I think I can handle that…” 

“And we’re going to go  _ really  _ slow, like glacial. Square one, no sex, just dates.” 

“No sex? Not even like--over the pants stuff?” 

“We’ll see about that one,” Raven laughed, sending a wave of shivers down Murphy’s spine. He couldn’t believe it, he had fucked up everything...and she was still willing to give him a chance. 

“I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give me.” 


End file.
